Hair Loss-Having the Conversation

I know the conversation of hair loss is coming up but I’m at a loss of what to say.  Where do I even start?

First, I’d like to commend all parents wanting to be thoughtful with this kind conversation because it’s something that many try to avoid.  I think one of the main reasons this topic is hard to discuss is because hair loss is a defining characteristic for cancer patients.  When a parent sees their child losing hair, it is a difficult, very evident reminder that their child is sick.  

I can’t begin to understand what that may feel like for a parent but I imagine feelings of helplessness could come up.  For this reason, I want to take some time to discuss hair loss and how to have an open, honest conversation about it.  

Hair Grows Back-This is NOT forever. 

One of the things that you as a parent have to remember is that this hair loss is temporary.  Yes, months and months may go by where your child does not have hair on their head but in time, after chemotherapy, it will grow back.    

I think it’s helpful to pair this change with some of the other changes that your child can expect during treatment.  For example, when talking about changes like wearing a mask to protect the immune system or limiting strenuous physical activities, let your child know that they will also lose their hair.  If you dedicate a conversation to only talking about hair loss, it makes your child feel like this is a monumental thing when it really does not have to be.  

Discuss the WHY 

As I just noted, you’re going to be talking about expected changes with your child and as you do this, make sure you’re clearly explaining WHY these things are happening.  So, when discussing hair loss, share something like this, ”while chemotherapy is doing its job to kill all the sick cells in your body, it also kills some healthy cells by mistake.  Some of these healthy cells are responsible for our hair growth.”  Then, you can emphasize that your child’s hair will start to grow back after they are done with chemotherapy.  Finally, end with a positive-share that some hair loss is normal when anyone is receiving this type of medicine.  It actually proves that the chemotherapy is doing its job! :)

Normalize

Before the hair loss begins, you can help normalize it a few different ways.  If your child is younger, gifting a stuffed animal or doll without hair is a great way to introduce the upcoming change.  This comfort animal or doll can serve as a “new friend” for your child that is going through their same journey.  And, I find that many young boys and girls get very attached to these new friends, taking them with them wherever they go (i.e. to chemo appointments, doctor check ups, grocery store, etc. ) which I think is so special.  Some favorites of mine are Chemo Ducks, Bald Barbies, and did you know American Girl even makes dolls with no hair now?!  Conversely, if you have a teenage girl, they are likely going to have a more difficult time coming to terms with hair loss. If cute hats, beanies, etc. are not what they are looking for, I recommend you reaching out to your social worker who can connect you with a non-profit wig organization. Social workers typically have a go-to resource that can provide discounts for high quality, real-hair alternatives.

Another way to help your child embrace this change is by reading some books about it.  Books are a great tool to introduce new transitions and concepts.  Despite there being several books on hair loss, some are better than others.  I have some great recommendations depending on what you are looking for so please contact me for more information. 

Lastly, try your best to not make promises you can’t keep.  I’ve witnessed parents telling their child that “they may not lose their hair” or “it’s not going to happen right now.”  Every child and teenager has a different experience with hair loss.  Some lose their hair very quickly after the introduction of chemotherapy or radiation.   While, for others, it may take some time.  You may even find that your child loses hair in other places (their arms, legs, etc.) before their head. We can never predict these things so it’s important to always maintain honesty.