Cancer, a Taboo Word?
I don’t feel comfortable using the word cancer…
I can’t tell you how many times this statement has been made when I meet with parents for the first time. When I was working at Stanford Children’s Hospital, I would initially meet with parents privately to get a better idea of what they had shared with their child in regards to diagnosis and treatment. Most parents would be very receptive to Child Life services and having me provide some education to their child. However, whenever it came down to the details and the language I planned to use, some were quick to share concerns around using the word “cancer”; preferring to use simple words like “sick” or wanting to say things like “get rid of bad cells.” I recognized then just as much as I can understand now that this comes from a desire to protect. You want to protect your child from the negative and upsetting connotation that is connected to the word cancer. I recognize this perspective but want to point out a few things to be mindful of before choosing to not openly use the word with your child.
Taking the Other Perspective
They can read.
Unless your child is not yet at the age where they are able to read, not disclosing that your child is being treated for cancer would be difficult because of the environment they are in. For example, each outpatient and inpatient unit within hospitals typically identify the type of patients they see. So you’re likely to see the word “oncology” or “cancer” posted in spaces where your child is receiving treatment. You see it on the doors, on the pamphlets around you in the waiting room, the welcome binder, and more. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy to hide from it.
2. They don’t carry the same perception as you.
Unless your child knows a family member, relative, or friend who had cancer, they likely don’t see the term in the same way. Unfortunately, our society portrays cancer like a death sentence. Yes, there are types of cancers that can be terminal but when discussing leukemia specifically, the cure rates are relatively high. Thanks to incredible advances in treatment, the cure rate continues to rise and I hope it continues to uptrend. But, remind yourself-your child doesn’t have the same knowledge base as you and they could be looking at this diagnosis in a very different way. Children are incredibly strong, resilient individuals and we don’t give them enough credit for that!
3. They can and may google it anyway.
The younger generations are so smart with technology these days. They know how to get on the internet via your phone, their Ipads, and many quickly figure out Youtube and Google on hospital TV’s. Therefore, they are resourceful and will look for more information if they feel you aren’t providing it. You know how quickly we can all spiral when we start WebMD’ing ourselves so it’s important to consider that before hiding key information. Your child could start assuming the worst after looking up information if they aren’t told what type of oncological disease they have.
Think Like a Team
Last but not least, honesty is key! You want to start on the right foot with your child. Going through treatment is a journey that is emotionally and physically exhausting for all family members. You want to show your child that you are a team and that you will take on these medical hurdles together. If trust is established early on, your child will come to you when they have questions or concerns. Leaning on you for support and information is much better than them turning to Google. :)