School Discussions & Options During Treatment

My child has been asking a lot if he can go to school when he feels well.  How do I navigate that during treatment?”

One of the hardest things that children have to cope with when going through treatment is their loss in routine.  I talk about “Confronting Loss at Time of Diagnosis” on my Instagram page because it’s a very real thing for many school agers and teenagers.  They grieve for their life before cancer-they miss their friends, going to school, participating in sports, etc.  And not being able to do these things makes them feel very isolated.  Therefore, it’s important to take the time to evaluate the risks and benefits when you’re deciding whether your child can attend school once in a while.  

Before initiating a conversation with your child, talk to your medical team.  Find out from your primary provider what the options are. Is there a point in treatment where your child’s immune system is not as compromised so they could potentially go to school? If they were to go, clarify what parameters they would need to follow (i.e. wearing a mask, staying 6 feet apart from others, etc.). It’s important to know what realistic choices are available so you don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Furthermore, I’d like to note that most doctors I’ve worked with discourage extracurriculars and school because they want to have as many protective factors in place as possible.  This is great but not always realistic.  So, remind yourself that you know your child best.  If you see their mental health suffering and know some kind of social engagement is needed, find ways to incorporate that into their life.  

So let’s say, your doctor gives the green light if their counts reach a certain level.  Yay! This is great news.  I imagine your child is thriving when they can go to school and see friends. But, you may find that they reach a slump when they don’t have that option.  For these situations, here’s some ideas on what you can do to support your child when they are unable to attend their primary school.

Validate Emotions

Try saying something like, “I know it’s not easy being told you can go to school some days and then other days, you have to stay at home.”  Empathize with your child and remind them that their body simply needs more time to rest; their body is not strong enough to fight off the germs they may come in contact with.  It may also be helpful to reiterate that there’s nothing your child is doing wrong or could do to change the current situation.  

Compromise

If your child is receiving treatment in the hospital, see what school options are available. Some large pediatric hospital settings have an actual classroom that your child can go to so they have an opportunity to leave their room, socialize with others, and have a bit of normalcy that they’re likely missing.  Other smaller programs may have a teacher that comes to the bedside which could be a nice change for your child.  Surely, if you’re wearing the parent hat and the teacher hat right now, having a resource like this would be beneficial to you and your child. 

In the unfortunate circumstances that your child is in the hospital for months at a time or your team has decided it’s too much of a risk to have them attend school, consider “Zooming” or coordinating short visits.   

After everything we went through during the pandemic, it’s hard to imagine turning to Zoom again.  Undoubtedly, it is not something the teachers prefer and we know it’s not the ideal way for children to learn.  However, it can be a nice option when your child is really missing the school environment.  Zoom provides an opportunity for your child to still see their peers and teachers without the risk of germ/bacteria exposure.  I’ve seen teachers be very accommodating with allowing the student on Zoom to have an opportunity to engage socially. Whether it be for a few minutes before, or after class so the student can check in with friends. 

Furthermore, an occasional visit to school can be very beneficial to your child’s mental health.  Not all children are going to feel comfortable returning to school but if this is something they are asking for, take the time to talk with the principal, their teachers, etc. so teachers and students are prepared to welcome your child back in.

I hope this information was helpful and you find yourself in a situation where your child has some options. School is such a big part of their lives so “losing” that because of treatment can be hard on them.