Extended Family Support

Let’s talk about how Child Life Specialists provide extended family support.   I’m referring to the grandparents, the cousins, the aunties, the uncles…all of whom make up the village that often care for the immediate family in times of crisis.  These individuals can often be quickly sucked into the healthcare experience before feeling prepared.  

Because this special group of people are often trying to figure out how they can help their loved ones, I’m going to share what tasks can be most beneficial, based on their role.  Then, I’m going to share how Child Life provides support to each of these groups to ensure they are coping as well as possible. 

Cousins

When I reflect on some of the larger, tight knit families I’ve met over the years, I recall how lost the cousins looked when they came to visit the hospital.  It was evident they didn’t know what to expect and were probably confused about what led to their cousin being sick.  In addition, some of these cousins were so close to the sick child that their relationship resembled more of a sibling relationship, making it even harder to cope with the circumstances. 

For this reason, my first extended family support recommendation is to make sure cousins are visiting regularly.  Frequent visitation allows the sick child an opportunity to see their loved one and it allows both family members to have a sense of normalcy.  Also, so many hospitals now have great resources like outside gardens, playrooms, or in-room game consoles that encourage play and recreation.  Being able to engage as they typically would will be healing for both parties. 

If cousins are at the hospital a lot, Child Life supports them in similar ways to how siblings are cared for. With the blessing of their caregivers, I would be assessing how the cousin is coping, providing check ins, and offering activities for distraction when they’re visiting.

Aunts & Uncles 

The best thing aunts and uncles can do during stressful circumstances is to take action rather than ask.  When listening to this grief podcast (highly recommend by the way), I was struck by Dr. David Kessler’s point about how overwhelming it can feel for adults to have to answer to people when they are grieving. Certainly, they aren’t thinking of all the things they need or what each person can do for them when they’re in crisis mode. Well, this exact same point can be applied to parents who are overwhelmed by their child’s illness and are in crisis mode themselves. 

Therefore, I advise doing what you can without going through the process of “what can I do?”  For example, go ahead and bring a meal to the hospital or the home so the family doesn’t have to worry about cooking.  Or, let your sister-in-law know, “I’m happy to pick up your child from school this week or we can do a sleepover on the weekend.” 

All of these small gestures are great ways to show your loved ones that you are there for them.

And, if these aunties and uncles have children, Child Life can provide resources to help them understand what is going on.  Based on where the children are developmentally, I may provide a list of book recommendations to the aunties or uncles, advising how much information to provide in relation to what is going on. 

Grandparents

Grandparents  often hold a lot of big feelings as they navigate the medical experience.  They may feel helpless, frustrated, overwhelmed, or sad. Not only are they trying to be strong in order to support their child and their spouse but they are also trying to remain positive and upbeat for their grandchildren.  

When grandparents are able to be present, I encourage them to switch off at the bedside with parents. This provides an opportunity for parents to step away and get some much needed respite with the comfort of knowing their sick child is well taken care of.  In addition, I think it’s beneficial to prioritize 1:1 quality time with their son or daughter. This allows the parent to have an opportunity to open up about their own thoughts and feelings which is so important for their own mental health. I can’t tell you how common it is for parents to put their needs in last place because they’re so focused on care of their child. Finally, as a grandparent, it’s important to think of those siblings, if there are any in the family unit. The siblings are going through a lot emotionally and they can feel left behind so any opportunity to spend time with them is beneficial to their coping.

To support the wonderful grandparents, Child Life Specialists can provide simple medical updates when asked and share some insight to how the patient and family are doing.

As they say, “it takes a village” and the extended family typically plays a big role in that during stressful times. Hopefully my perspective on extended family support serves as a guide for those family members looking to help but unsure where to start!