Sibling Support Considerations
“How do I talk to my other children about this new leukemia diagnosis?”
When your child is diagnosed with any illness, it impacts the entire family. Siblings of all ages benefit from education and support during this time. Therefore, you’ll find that this blog isn’t centered around any particular age group but rather siblings of all ages. And, before you decide to sit down and talk with your other children, you’ll want to consider a few things.
Age & Developmental Stage
If you have a large family, you might want to consider grouping or having separate conversations with siblings. For example, if you have a 4 year old child and a 10 year old child, I recommend talking with them separately because their understanding of concepts differ greatly. Your conversation with your 4 year old might be brief in nature but a talk with your 10 year old might lead to more questions and concerns. You want to ensure you are creating a space where each child’s needs can be completely met so taking their age into account is important.
And, if you’re looking for specific advice on how to explain leukemia to siblings, check out my first blog post “A Leukemia Diagnosis.” Here, you’ll find some helpful language in defining leukemia. Most importantly, be as concrete as possible to avoid any misconceptions.
What Will & Won’t Change
This is a big one! You want to clearly define with all siblings (regardless of age) what will and won’t change. Furthermore, you’ll want to keep these changes as consistent as possible. For instance, if you promise your other children that you or your spouse will take them and pick them up from school, you need to really stick to that promise. Or, be mindful of what is and isn’t possible. One way to prepare for this part of the conversation is to reflect on each child’s routine. Consider their social events, recreational activities, the times of such things and realistically decide what you can and cannot manage. You don’t have to have all the answers right now but be prepared to discuss some of the big stuff. For example, “Mommy doesn’t know how often she’ll need to stay the night at the hospital yet but she may need to do that a few times a week.”
Keep Them Informed
With that comes my next point-keep them informed! If the medical team notifies you of some big changes coming up, think about how that will affect your family and notify them. I’m not saying you have to tell them about every little change but if you find out your sick child needs to start going to the hospital more often, let the other siblings know. Maintaining a structure and routine for the siblings is so crucial because if their lives feel chaotic, their anxiety will rise. Also, if you find yourself making promises to your other children that you cannot keep, let them know why. Maintaining honesty about why you can’t do something is important as well. As an example, if you promised your daughter that you were going to take her to a birthday party and you had to cancel because your sick child had a fever, explain why. Notify them why you couldn’t fulfill the commitment and how difficult it can be for you to have to make those decisions.
Listen to Concerns
Finally, provide some time during and after your conversation to allow your children to speak up. Ask if they have questions or need more information. Be mindful of their body language-do they look overwhelmed? Did they become really quiet or almost withdrawn? Are they crying? If you think they may be feeling or thinking but not sharing, come back at another time to offer a check in. Later might be best for them if they need time to process the information you just provided. In sum, siblings will benefit most from honest conversations about what changes are coming up, a consistent routine, and reassurance that Mom and Dad will still be available to them.